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I’m not gay — I’m bisexual, and I lean — HARD — toward women. So how come I’m a cum slut? I think the primary answer is ‘desperation.’ You decide — it’s why you’re here, after all...I was — well, location doesn’t really matter, does it? It could be any one of hundreds of places. I was in the military, and that meant that there were probably forty guys for every woman in sight. I was young and dumb and full of cum — I know you’ve heard that one — and one day, I rode the train downtown to run some errands and had to hit a public restroom to do my business...I don’t know about you, but I HATE to take a dump in a public bathroom. The toilet paper ALWAYS sucks, one way or another. Either it’s so slick that it picks up nothing and your ass is still funky after forty feet of it, or it is rough and tries to sandpaper your asshole off, or there are no perforations, so you have to fight with it, or ... Well, pick two, or maybe all three, or enter your own issue — I didn’t even come close to. Jake was young when he first truly started to pursue his musical interests, and his lyrics missed the depth and wisdom of an older, wiser blues musician. Instead, his first record was reflective of his young age and lack of life experience, all set to a catchy pop-beat. His first EP picked up label interest, and he signed on with Awake Records in less than six months. His lack of love and search for a soul mate grasped the hearts of millions of women, making his record sales soar. At the persuasion of his manager, Jake had cut and styled his hair, worn the designer clothes, dated the A-list female celebrities. His second album had been a bit more daring – not as much pop and some subtle blues riffs. Thanks to the media he’d generated with his first album, his second one had even greater success. Followed by the constant flood of tours, press dates, functions, and awards shows, Jake’s popularity skyrocketed, and with it went all of Jake’s privacy. After a few successful albums, Jake.
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